Wednesday 23 January 2013

Mustering the cerebral monkey troop

I am discovering that given I have a window of opportunity to finish my book (at least I think I am going to finish it this time), trying to write this blog five times a week was perhaps, a tad ambitious. So I am going to write my blog as many times a week as I can muster (muster as in the military sense - calling all the brain cells together and trying to get them to work in formation - not easy given daily dawn patrol thanks to newer members of the unit, and parts of the body general going awol - my sciatic nerve for instance not passing muster at all - which impedes corporeal functioning and prevents the enemy - the impeding mind Germs from being blown to kingdom come and thus clearing the field for my new characters). Barroso! Assemble! Attention!

As my current book travels (in faith) towards its concluding stages (again) I am still mulling over the dilemma of unsold copies of my former masterpiece (oh yes, if you read it you would see! - my marketing ploy if nothing else) After the Rains, which is languishing, at some expense in a warehouse in Leicester. You see unless you have a big publisher behind you maniacally marketing the thing, you have to get out and sell the blasted product yourself. Imagine a shelf of fifty thousand boxes of peanuts. Which one are you going to buy? The one with the best box or cover? Shopper, you will be tripping on covers, in both senses - there are 50 000 of them and some of them are lurid and have no bearing on the actual peanuts inside. No you are going to buy your peanuts from the man (or woman) dressed up as a giant monkey who is hanging upside down from an unstable light fitting, making ghastly chimp noises and scratching the armpits of his (or her) mouldy monkey costume, bearing the name of his (or her) product.

More on this monkey business tomorrow. I have a serious book to whose wrongs I must write.